Sunday, 1 September 2013

The Melancholy Of A Happy Soul.

Sometimes, I go too long ignoring that I am overwhelmed.
By emotion, by tiredness. By disappointment in human beings.
I try to push through it. Try not to be so judgemental...because I assume that must be the issue.
My standards are just too unrealistic. My expectations too high.
But I accept too much.
What do I think? That I can change how my heart beats?

I find myself wishing that I could turn everything off. I need too much, for everything to stop.
Because I've pushed through what has been overwhelming my senses for just that little bit too long.
I start to get scared. Afraid that I am pushing myself a little to hard. Pretending a little too much.
The drips of sadness linger around longer. Dipping and rising. Like waves. Making me question,
How long it can continue.
I long to let all the strings drop.
All these strings currently keeping me standing.

I'm sad, but I don't feel I can be.
Everyone surrounding me appears to live so lightly.
Whether they do or not.
...
I want to put my hand up and admit to feeling like
Everything is falling apart.
Even if I know that isn't strictly true.
Good peppers the bad.
But the bad, the bad is wrapped up in my heart.

And I cannot let it out.

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