Wednesday, 22 July 2015

The Superpowers / Fly or Disappear.

So.
I tried to drown myself.
I couldn't. Can't. Can't seem to stop myself from caring.
It always petrified me in a way that only something you've already been through should.
But it loomed.  "Alcoholism" 
(you were meant to read that in a movie trailer voice...for dramatic effect) 
For so long. I never drank.
I was too afraid of...
Going too far. Afraid of myself and what I would find.
And then I bought a bottle. Took it home. Scared myself.
It was pretty fucking stupid.
And I don't even know what it's for anymore.

  She is like a wounded bird.
You would build her a nest out of newspaper and cotton wool.
Keep her in a shoebox. No idea of how terrifying you are.
Because you can see her.
No. but she wont let you see her. Curled up on the floor.

...."...I would fly..."

"Wait...What?...But invisibility is so...fricking. Awesome. I mean...
...Miskulin?...Oi?..."

The bird glides gracefully far above them.
~ murmuring~
"it's just...so free..."

"Invisibility is sneaky. It's all about creeping around. Hiding. Spying...I don't give a shit.
I don't want to see you naked...or find out your secrets. Gossip? Invisibility is bullshit. It means nothing when you are alone. It relies on other people. Other people doing things you don't need to see. Or don't have the courage or right to ask about. You'd just end up learning that...Oh damn! - every other fucking person in the world is a fucking weirdo just like you when they are alone. What good would it do. We're all so full of shit....we'd just learn that - oh...yep...the world really is as fucked up as it seems. thank goodness we found out...
With a little honesty and "humanity"...well, fuck...couldn't we do all the things that being invisible would enable us to do?..."

..."Nehhhhhh,.....I guess..."

"I want to be self governed. You could go wherever you wanted?!...Soar above the Earth...
Escape...(grinning) I could be in the middle of a field, just like that!.."

"You're fucking weird..."

"And...your point is?"

"Hah...I love you. Even though you're batshit crazy."

"Flying wins right...you know it makes sense"...


How long have I been here?

Aahhhhhh.... I don't know.
The carpet. No matter how crappy it is, it's the only place to be when you're this low.
The only place that makes sense...Nothing makes any sense.
My face hurts. Feels like a damp crumpled rag. I feel the texture of said crappy carpet imprinted on my left cheek.
Whiny little...
It's here in the background. All the fucking time.
Reading your fear like a big mad dog waiting to tear you down.
It's hungry and your mind is a juicy steak to chew up.

Choose not to drown. Put all of that fucking wisdom on knowing when and why you're falling
into action...
But I've been falling for some time now.

I closed my eyes.
(Excuses, excuses...)

Falling...
Feels almost like flying sometimes.



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